Comments on: Living Abroad: How to Balance Your Ex-Pats and Your Locals

By: AAD

AAD — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 13:10:28 +0000

well, where do i start, this is offensive on so many levels, in so many ways.
immigrants from any country in any country are guests. even the ones who marry natural citizens in their new country, as guests. this particular group of immigrant guests who insist on being called “expats” seem obsessed with the fact that they are immigrant guests. they seem to think they are different from other immigrants. they seem obsessed with differences, rather than similarities among humans. what a bore… as if they never noticed that where they were born, where they live now, is all incidental, random, and has dire little to do with them and their fabulousness… OMG this might have been excusable in a previous century… “your expats with your locals” ??? meat and potatos??? OMG and we wonder how it is we are entering into another world war??!!

By: Mahreen

Mahreen — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 03:49:15 +0000

I agree with you. Having lived in Oman for a year, I loved interacting with locals but expats I could relate with more on culture. It was beautiful to find cultural commanalities with locals but they never quite understood my pov at times.

By: Chanel | Cultural Xplorer

Chanel | Cultural Xplorer — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 16:49:24 +0000

As a former expat, I also think it is important to find a good balance between having expat and local friends. Living in South Korea, it was great to learn about local culture, customs,and traditions from my Korean friends while also learning new things about the Korean language. It was nice to have foreign friends too that I could share my experience with about being an expat!

By: Lee O'B

Lee O'B — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 16:55:47 +0000

Great read, Amanda. While living in Latin America, I worked side by side with locals and depended on them as they did on me for earnings, progress, business development, etc. I think that “inter dependence” made for an easier connection with the locals. And i found in my experience i kept the balance (like a good Libra) between the numbers of locals and expat friends which I had. Joy’s comment regarding China is interesting. when the culture is so different and stagnating. This happens sometimes too, so maybe in that case expat is cool, or better yet, make friends with people from around the world. You did a great job weighing both sides, and I totally concur with the philosophy of “make friends with locals or stay home”. All the best to you

By: Jeanette

Jeanette — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 20:04:14 +0000

I’ve also lived overseas for many years, in many different countries, and your article is spot on. If you’re not spending time with the “locals”, you might as well stay home. At the same time, especially as my kids grow older, I do feel a need to re-connect with my own culture from time to time, so that they have some idea of where they come from.

By: Coco Marie

Coco Marie — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 14:50:17 +0000

I think making friends in general is a tough part in being an expat. Not necessarily making them but keeping them. I meet people all the time and seem to make loads of friends, both locals and expats. But it seems they are always leaving! Expats only stay for about a year and even the locals my age seem to want to experience life abroad as well. That is the trouble with befriending fellow wanderers!!

By: Agness (@Agnesstramp)

Agness (@Agnesstramp) — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 04:09:40 +0000

Keeping the balance between ex-pats and locals is very important. As you have mentioned, ex-pats understand you and you have always more in common than with locals, but on the other hand, locals teach you and inspire you more than ex-pats. I have been living in China for 10 months surrounded by Chinese only. After 6 months I felt so isolated and lonely. Now, I am living in Siem Reap where I am in touch with ex-pats only and I feel like having more interactions with locals. So, I guess the balance is the key. Thanks for sharing it with me. I found it very interesting.

By: Darcey

Darcey — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:08:41 +0000

I definitely agree with a lot of this – as a current expat in India, I’ve had to balance the expat community of our residential (international) school with my interactions with the local community. What aggravates me the most is people who insist that there’s no need to interact with the locals, or refuse to adjust to the culture (yes, I’ve seen it!). It’s dreadful to watch how often they spiral into misery and depression because they’re “stuck in some terrible place”, but they’re not getting out and experiencing it, or interacting with local people, and it drastically impairs their adjustment.

If you haven’t read Craig Storti’s “Figuring Foreigners Out” and “The Art of Crossing Cultures”, I think you’d enjoy them.

By: Tony

Tony — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:05:44 +0000

Having lived in London for nearly 3 years now I can say that even though we ‘speak’ the same language(mostly) it has been very hard to make friends with the locals. Our group of friends has been 98% expats. We have broken through that tough British exterior and gotten to know a few but they aren’t the most social people. Even here at work I’ve gotten to know the other expat and an Italian who spent a few years in the US. The other people here are from all over the world which makes for a mini-UN but they are just as social as the Londoners.

I think it has something to do with the city, not just London, but the fact that expats tend to be in larger cities, for obvious reasons. I suppose if we had to move to a small town we’d figure out that there aren’t many expats and those country folks will be much more welcoming?

My partner’s company has offices in Singapore and there has been talk about going there. I’d love the chance to go, mostly for the warmer weather, but I do think making friends there will be even harder than here in London.

By: Joy

Joy — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:34:54 +0000

I think I have a different perspective on this. I’ve lived in China for almost 2 years. I mostly hang out with expats. For the most part I really like hanging out with the expats. We are all very different. We’re from different countries and I love learning about their countries. I don’t feel guilty about hanging out with them instead of Chinese people.

I’ve also found it very difficult to have Chinese friends. Our cultures are soooo different and it makes for a very difficult relationship once you get past the initial conversations. I wish I had more Chinese friends but I don’t feel bad about it because the relationship can be so frustrating.

At work I have Chinese ‘friends’ but I don’t see them outside of work very often. They have taught me so much about the Chinese culture and I enjoy talking to them about the differences in our cultures. This is enough for me. I’m ok having expat friends and Chinese coworkers.